Hands up who did not watch the World Cup this year? Or Wimbledon? Or even the British Golf Open, held in my home town of Carnoustie in Scotland? Perhaps you were dreaming instead of the next summer Olympics, set for 2020 in Tokyo? Perhaps, even, you are one of the men I have seen around Kathmandu, who are in training for the swimming events…I have been doing quite a bit of swimming this summer and have noticed a strange phenomena. There are a remarkable number of Nepali and Indian men who consider themselves to be Olympians in the pool. They approach the pool with a swagger that equals that of Captain Jack Sparrow, eye the water as if looking for Moby Dick, then either throw themselves in or do a clumsy dive. Having discovered none of these guys are Asian Michael Phelps, every time that happens I hold my breath. Not in anticipation of the gigantic tidal wave coming towards me as a result of this. No, I hold my breath because the deep end of the pool only comes up to my chin. This means it cannot be more than five feet deep. Surely that is not deep enough for an amateur swimmer to safely dive in to?
Once in the water, the would-be Olympian causes geysers of water to rise as he flaps about in whichever style he chooses. With great gusto he swims half the length of the pool then stands, panting, with a look of accomplishment on his face. Being that hotel pools in Kathmandu are not particularly long, certainly not the standard 50-meter Olympic pool, he has probably covered eight meters at most. Then he will, always, float face down, arm outstretched, in a manner similar to that taught to a small child on their first swimming lesson.
He may even attempt another eight metre dash, spluttering as he goes. That done, he will remove himself and his goggles, and perhaps even his waterproof speakers and earphones, from the pool and collapse exhausted on the recliner chair. With his masculinity assured among any watching friends, the recovering macho-man will head off out of the pool area around 12 minutes after arriving.
Four minutes in the pool, eight minutes to recover, seems to be the standard. If there are more than one Phelps in the pool, god help us. They may even stretch to six or seven minutes as they try to outdo each other in a way teenage boys might do. Or they might just stand around in the water chatting to each other. The way teenage girls might do.
Meantime I am taking my time, doing my 30 minutes up and down without touching bottom, in a sedate, relaxed manner. More marathon than sprint. Yes, I am considerate of other swimmers, and no, the water does not form waves.
