The strain of very badly played instruments permeates through the closed widows. Ho hum… must be a wedding in the neighborhood. And not just one! Weddings, like buses, tend to come along all at the same time. There is what are called, ‘wedding seasons’. I get the fact that there are days which are more auspicious than others for weddings and I understand that some months in the year are just not great for cele­brations. Planting, harvesting, mon­soon—all would have made it diffi­cult in the past to hold a wedding which might involve your guests walking for hours from nearby vil­lages. But I would have thought that in Kathmandu and other cities, the social calendar no longer needs to revolve around the agricultural year. Or does the agriculture year now revolve around weddings?Whether for genuine belief in the gods appointing an auspicious day for a wedding, or whether bowing to convention, weddings all happen at one time. Or that is how it appears anyway! I have friends who have to rush from one party palace to anoth­er on the same day to attend sev­eral weddings. The roads become even more congested than usual as the many wedding cars make their way from one location to the next. Last Friday, I was delighted to see a carriage drawn by two white hors­es near my house. The usual red-clothed brass band was present as well as a crowd of invitees and curi­ous passers-by. Well, not actually ‘passing by’ as the road was blocked. I had to squeeze through the throng of excited aunties and children.

 

I’ve attended weddings in villages, in a range of party palaces, and in 4-star hotels, and they all have one thing in common. What’s with the sad-faced bride? Even love marriag­es or marriages where the bride and groom are extremely happy with the choice of spouse, where does it say that the bride needs to look like she is in a dentist waiting room? She sits there in her fine clothes and gold jewelry on a raised platform so that everyone can see what a lucky man the groom is.

 

Well, yes probably I wouldn’t be looking too happy either under these circumstances. And not being able to join in the dancing? My face is falling by the minute! For what is a wedding without dancing? On the whole the main reason for me attending a wedding is for the dancing! Wheth­er that is a Scottish wedding with traditional dances such as the Gay Gordons and Strip the Willow (don’t these names sound a little strange today?) or a Nepali wedding with Bollywood and Nepali tunes, I just love to dance. And why shouldn’t the bride be allowed to dance also?

 

I’ve been at weddings where the brides look petrified. At a friend’s village wedding I sat talking to his bride for quite some time as she looked completely lost and vulnera­ble. Years later, I was introduced to my friend’s now smiling and happy wife. She did not remember me, despite me being the only foreigner at her wedding. The whole day for her was just a blur of ritual, red vermilion, and no doubt the fear of what was to come. While the rest of us were dancing and eating to our hearts content and generally having a great time, she, like so many other brides, was not.

 

So when I hear that far-from-mu­sical wedding band, I usually feel quite unsettled. The young bride has no idea what is in store for her. But, hopefully her ‘new’ family will be good to her. However, I suspect a little bit of her dies that day. And if you have no idea what I am talking about… you must be a man.